Thomas Horvath, Ph.D.
San Diego, CA
* I know I have a problem
with this sometimes, but do I have to stop entirely?
* What's the big deal? Everybody has at least one vice.
* Why do they give me such a hard time?
* I don't understand why I still do it. Every so often I get a big
urge, and there go all my good intentions.
* Maybe I'm the sort of person who just needs to be addicted to
something. Anyway, I've tried to stop before, and it's too hard,
I can't do it.
* For several months I was doing fine, but one night I slipped,
and it's been back downhill ever since.
* Quitting successfully amounts to having enough willpower to do
the job. I don't, so why kid myself?
* Do I have to go to those meetings for the rest of my life?
What Is An Addiction?
An addiction is an activity
or substance we repeatedly crave to experience, and for which we
are willing if necessary to pay a price (or negative consequence).
In recent years researchers have considered as examples of addiction
both substance addictions (alcohol, cigarettes, food, street drugs,
etc.) and activity addictions (gambling, impulsive sexual activity,
shoplifting, overspending, etc.). This article discusses techniques
and concepts which can be helpful in coping with both kinds of addictive
Relatively minor addictions,
such as watching too much television, eating a certain kind of candy,
or lying in bed on weekend mornings, are often not even considered
addictions, because the price paid for indulging them is not high.
On the other hand, we tend to use the term "addict" to
describe the person who, at least in the eyes of others, continues
an addictive behavior long after it may have been clear that the
substantial price being paid was not worth the benefit. The individual
who has lost career, house, family and friends because of cocaine
use, but is unwilling to consider stopping, is an unfortunate example.
Negative addictions range
from those with very minor negative consequences, to those as serious
as the cocaine addict just mentioned, with much area in between.
Although it is sometimes true that a negative addiction grows stronger
(i.e., worse) over time, this is not necessarily or even typically
true. For instance, most overweight individuals do not keep gaining
and gaining weight, but rather settle into a weight range that,
if far from ideal, is also not morbidly obese. On the other hand,
even a constant level of addictive behavior (e.g., overspending
$200 a week) can lead to an increasing level of negative consequences.
You may be surprised
to learn that addictions can also be considered positive. Positive
addictions are those in which the benefits outweigh the price. A
common example would be exercise. The price of membership in a gym,
the time involved, and any clothing expense, is outweighed by the
benefits of better health, energy, self-confidence and appearance.
As with negative addictions, positive addictions may not get stronger
(i.e., better; greater benefits are obtained) over time, and there
is a broad range of how much benefit is actually obtained.
What is common to both
positive and negative addictions, and what helps us realize that
they are two sides of the same coin, is the urge or craving to engage
in the addictive behavior, and the satisfaction that is felt when
the urge is acted upon. The urge is a state of tension and anticipation
that is experienced as a desire for the substance or activity. The
urge is also experienced as uncomfortable, perhaps intensely so,
especially if it lasts long enough. Because we experience relief
when the urge is acted upon, there is an increased likelihood that
we will act on the urge again. One of the primary benefits of an
addiction for many individuals is the fact that the urge can be
driven away by the addictive behavior. Hunger, and eating to satisfy
it, provide a good example of a (positive or negative) addiction.
We might even describe hunger (along with thirst and sex) as one
of the original addictions. Even if there were no other benefits
to eating (i.e., nutrition and survival), it would be satisfying
to eat simply because eating makes hunger go away. Sometimes addictive
behavior appears to be engaged in without the presence of an urge,
such as when a smoker is three puffs into a cigarette before realizing
that it is lit, or when an overeater is three bites into a chocolate
cake before realizing that this is no longer the living room but
the kitchen. However, if these individuals were kept at a distance
from their substance or activity, such that deliberate effort (rather
than behavior so habitual that it is unconscious) were required
to obtain it, urges would again be observed. In the examples described
the addictive behavior is used to prevent the occurrence of an urge,
which would nevertheless appear eventually if it were not prevented.
An addiction is an example
of a habit. Like other habits, addictive behaviors are learned behaviors
that we acquire through trial and error (e.g., we happen to gamble
for the first time, having known little about it, and experience
it as exhilarating and captivating), or through observing others
(e.g., our parents had cocktails each evening before dinner to relax).
If we have ongoing experience with the substance or activity, and
if (and only if) we enjoy at least some aspect of that experience,
an urge or craving for it gradually emerges after repeated experience.
The urge is a way of saying to ourselves: "I know this is going
to be good; I will enjoy this." Someone who has never experienced
a substance or activity cannot be addicted to it, nor will an addiction
develop if the experience is not pleasurable. Because of the uniqueness
of each individual, what is pleasurable for one person may not be
for another. For instance, many individuals report not enjoying
alcohol, even in small amounts. Such an individual would not ordinarily
become addicted to alcohol. Paradoxically, in a very strong addiction
much of the original pleasure may no longer be experienced. In this
case the primary satisfaction comes from driving the (uncomfortable)
The pleasures of an addiction
can be diverse. In addition to promoting an increase in positive
mood (feeling more relaxed, feeling more "up"), the addiction
may also be a means to decrease negative mood (if I do this I won't
feel stressed, anxious, angry, depressed, bored, lonely, afraid,
frustrated, etc., anymore). There are many variations on this theme.
If I am feeling bad because it seems I am not "fitting in",
I can reduce that negative feeling by doing what others are doing
(drinking, using drugs). If because of a conflict with someone I
am so upset "I can't stand it", I can change this feeling
through addictive behavior. Because the pleasure of the addiction
can be used to block out or replace an unwanted emotion, an addiction
can be a "way to cope". If the addiction is used in this
way, urges tend to occur in response to those negative moods for
which the individual has few other effective coping methods.
How Does An Addiction
It is possible to describe
phases in a negative addiction:
Urges arise out of curiosity
2. Expected enjoyment: Urges arise out of fond memories of past
3. Doing it to cope: Urges arise primarily in response to stress
4. Doing it to survive: Urges are frequent (hourly, doing it as
a way of life daily); or urges may be prevented more than they are
experienced. Specific stressors are no longer needed as triggers
for urges, because the addiction is woven into many or most aspects
of life. The addiction helps the addict maintain a sense of stability
An addiction could be
described as stronger or weaker according to which of these phases
it occupied. A similar set of phases applies to a positive addiction.
An individual may stop at any phase, or retreat to it after being
in another one.
are also essential to the development of an addiction, because it
takes more than just curiosity to establish an addiction. Predisposing
factors are what enable an individual to experience a certain behavior
as pleasurable, and include biological predisposition (enjoying
some physical effects of the behavior, being insensitive to others),
encouragement from others, acceptance of the behavior by the individual
and others, low self esteem, craving for excitement/boredom, high
life stress (typically expressed as a specific emotional issue,
such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.), and the availability
of the substance or activity. For instance, someone addicted to
ocean swimming may enjoy the feeling of being "massaged"
by water as he swims in it, not mind the coldness of the water very
much, have gotten encouragement from his wife (she thinks it's "manly"),
accept the activity as part of a healthy lifestyle (as his friends
and family do), have a need to prove himself to others (or to feel
better about himself by swimming), like the excitement/tension of
knowing he could drown, enjoy the respite from the very high anxiety
of his sales job, and live near the beach. The presence of all of
these predisposing factors is not necessary for addictive behavior
Once having become a
part of our behavior, pleasures (and the habits based on them) continue
or die away depending on whether we continue to experience them
as pleasurable. Life is a continuing process of developing, revising
and outgrowing pleasures. Although we may never entirely abandon
a well-established pleasure, the frequency with which we engage
in it can diminish dramatically. Each of us can probably remember
pleasures from childhood which were very strong at the time, but
are now no longer very pleasurable. For instance, how may adults
still routinely look for opportunities to play in the mud, or suck
their thumbs, or be praised for using the bathroom instead of a
diaper? Consequently, addictions both develop and possibly get outgrown
according to the pleasure we believe them to provide us.
To summarize what has
been said thus far about the definition and development of an addiction,
an addiction is the habit of making an urge (or craving) go away
(or preventing it from occurring) by engaging in the desired activity
or using the desired substance. The urge develops because past pleasurable
experience and related benefits from the substance or activity are
expected to reoccur on the next occasion. Urges are uncomfortable,
and engaging in the addictive behavior is also experienced as pleasurable
simply because (or perhaps only because) the urge is driven away.
There is a broad range
of prices and benefits for addictions. The addiction is negative
if, for that individual, the price outweighs the pleasure and benefits.
Various predisposing factors contribute to the development of an
addiction. An addiction does not necessarily get stronger over time.
If the pleasure expected from the addiction is the reduction of
a negative mood, the addiction may, for that individual, be a primary
means for coping with stress. In a strong addiction the addictive
behavior has become integrated into many aspects of the individual's
life. As we mature, the pleasures we crave also mature, and consequently
our addictions can change.
Am I "Addicted"?
Although the term "addict"
is often used to describe someone for whom the price of the addiction
outweighs the benefit, it is impossible to use this term precisely,
because prices and benefits are different for each individual. Furthermore,
how much bigger than the benefit would the price have to be for
me to be an addict? There is no clear answer to this question. It
may best to reserve "addict" for describing oneself (as
opposed to others), or not to use it at all. In this article, this
term will be used as a convenience, to describe anyone with an addiction
in which the price outweighs the benefit, no matter how slightly,
from anyone else's point of view. By using this definition, probably
all of us are (negative) addicts, according to someone.
Better questions may
be: Is my enjoyment of this substance or activity causing me enough
problems that I want to consider cutting back or stopping? Is this
behavior preventing me from enjoying even better and higher pleasures?
A careful approach to
answering these questions would include discussing them with family,
friends, co-workers, and health providers, among others. This outside
input is essential because experience has shown that most of us
have difficulty arriving at an accurate cost/benefit analysis of
behavior that is (or has been) intensely pleasurable, or that in
our own mind is indispensable for coping with a prominent problem.
A careful approach to answering these questions would also include
reading about the common signs and symptoms of the addiction you
fear you may have. For instance, in evaluating your alcohol use
it would be useful to consider how many blackouts you have had,
or to consider your predicted ideal body weight as compared to your
actual weight if overeating is a problem. Almost everyone knows
one or more negatively addicted individuals who deny or minimize
the negative consequences of the addiction. Do you fall into this
category for those who know you? For most strong negative addictions,
regardless of the type, common symptoms include preoccupation with
the substance or activity, loss of self-respect, extended periods
of attempting to ignore or minimize the problem, and blowing out
of proportion the actual benefits.
Very often, someone may
hesitate to conclude that there would be benefits to stopping or
cutting back, because achieving that goal may seem like an impossible
task. Many individuals prefer not to identify a problem they do
not already have a solution for. The concepts and techniques described
in this article, in conjunction with psychotherapy as needed, can
be helpful in persuading you that solutions are possible.
Sometimes those around
the addict may need to consider their own roles in enabling the
addiction to continue unexamined. Relationships may need to be altered
dramatically, or ended altogether, before some addicts begin to
perceive the actual price of their addiction. The term "denial"
is often used to describe the apparent inability of the addict to
perceive what is so clear to others. Because significant others
may not have the communication skills to impart their perceptions
without also coming across as hostile or unfairly critical, the
involvement of a psychotherapist may be invaluable. Nevertheless,
a small percentage of addicts do not alter their behavior in any
significant way, regardless of how they are approached, and the
addiction may not end until (premature) death.
Regardless of whether
you are ready to cope with your addiction, or unsure about whether
you want to, the place to begin is with a careful evaluation of
what you enjoy and appreciate about this substance or activity.
That's right: begin with the benefits and pleasures of the addiction,
not the price. Because there is much to consider, it would probably
be helpful to write down your answers to the following questions,
so you can review and revise them later. You will end up with two
lists, the Benefits of Addiction, and the Benefits of Stopping/Cutting
Back. If you wish to evaluate more than one addiction, you will
need a separate pair of lists for each one.
For the first list, start
in a general way: What is it that I like about this substance or
activity? What does it do for me? What am I afraid my life would
be like if I did not engage in this behavior?
Now get more specific
(to make sure you have not missed any benefits and pleasures):
* What bad feelings
or moods does this behavior help me cope with (e.g., frustration,
resentment, anger, irritability, fear, boredom, depression, anxiety,
tension, loneliness, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.)? How does it
help me cope with them?
* What positive feelings or moods does this behavior make even better?
What situations does this behavior enhance?
* How painful would withdrawal (from this substance) be?
* To what extent does this behavior ease or reduce physical pain?
* How concerned am I about experiencing urges or cravings? How much
do they scare me?
* How often and how much do I like to test my control of this behavior
(see how close I can come to the "edge" without slipping
* How often and how much do I like to test my capacity for this
behavior (e.g., see how much I can drink)?
* How much do I enjoy the high? What exactly about the high is satisfying?
* How much does this behavior help me socialize and fit in with
* How much do I seem to need this behavior in order to feel normal?
What does feeling normal mean to me?
* How often do I use this behavior to help me cope with conflicts
It is important to begin
your evaluation of your addiction with the pleasures and benefits
of it, because these pleasures and benefits are valuable to you.
Cutting back or giving up the addictive behavior does not necessarily
mean giving up the experience of these pleasures and benefits, but
perhaps only finding other means for obtaining them, or reducing
how often or to what extent you obtain them. Coping with addiction
is much easier when the goal includes maintaining as much of the
addiction benefit as possible.
Before you push ahead,
review this list. Are the benefits I have listed ones I actually
get now, or ones I merely used to get at one time? Do I actually
get these benefits, or are they the benefits others get? How important
are these benefits (to me, not to someone else)?
Next, evaluate the price
of the addiction, or, as we are now calling it, the Benefits of
Stopping/Cutting Back. Start again in a general way: What is it
that I dislike about this substance or activity? How does it harm
me? What am I afraid my life would be like if I continue to engage
in this behavior?
Here are some specific
questions to ask. If I stopped or cut back:
* How much more productive
would I be if not preoccupied and obsessed with this behavior? How
much more time would I have?
* How much more energy and stamina would I have?
* How would my health improve?
* How much more money would I have?
* How much would my self-respect, self-esteem, pride and sense of
* How much more control of my emotions would I have?
* How much more honest with myself could I be?
* How much more clearly would I think? How much would my memory
* What legal problems could I avoid?
* How would my sex life improve?
* How much guilt would I be able to let go of?
* How would my sleep improve? How would I feel in the morning?
* How would my appearance improve?
* How would my driving improve? How much would my overall alertness
and concentration improve?
* How much better a spouse, parent, friend, lover, employee, etc.,
would I be?
* What pleasures could I experience that it is difficult or impossible
to experience now?
There are many other
specific questions that could be asked, depending on the addiction
involved. Once you have listed all the benefits of stopping or cutting
back, review the list with several more questions in mind: If I
stop or cut back, can I actually get these benefits (or do others
merely say I will)? Could I get them even if I continued to use
or act as I am currently? How important are these benefits to me?
Now compare the two lists.
As you compare them, what conclusions do you draw?
For many individuals,
the answers to the above questions are clear, and they are ready
to push ahead to learning about how to cope with the addiction,
or they are confident (and have good reasons to be) that the benefits
of their addiction outweigh the costs. For others, these questions
may create more confusion than clarity. The resolution of that confusion
may require more thought, and discussion with trusted others, including
How Do I Cope With An
Let us assume that you
have decided, at least for the time being, to stop or cut back your
addictive behavior. In either case, you are now faced with several
1. How to maintain your
motivation through what could be a gradual and at times difficult
process of self-improvement.
2. How to cope with urges.
3. How to cope with problems using methods other than the addiction.
4. How to get the benefits of addiction, or as much of them as possible,
without giving up the benefits of stopping or cutting back.
5. How to interrupt unconscious habit patterns (like lighting a
cigarette without knowing it) if they exist.
6. How to resolve problems brought on by previous addictive behavior
(e.g., relationship problems, legal problems, drug debts, etc.).
7. How to develop a new life style that is not centered on the addiction.
Here are some guidelines
for each of these problems:
1) Motivation is fundamental,
because if you maintain motivation you can persist past any temporary
obstacles. In most cases, the simplest way to establish and maintain
motivation is to have an accurate and complete Benefits of Stopping/Cutting
Back list, and to revise this list to reflect the changes that are
occurring as progress and setbacks occur. From this list make a
shorter Major Benefits list, the benefits which are the primary
reasons you are stopping or cutting back. A Major Benefits list
may be easier to remember than the entire original list. If these
benefits are important enough to you, remembering them (and perhaps
picturing them) regularly will be your motivation. As in learning
any new skill, setbacks and rough spots should be expected, and
made the most of as opportunities for learning. Do not allow setbacks
to become distorted evidence for incorrect beliefs. Any skill can
be improved upon with time, consistent practice, and good coaching.
2) For many individuals,
the crucial problem is coping with urges. In order to cope well
with them, it is usually necessary to understand them accurately,
rather than in the distorted manner of many addicts. Some common
distortions about urges are that urges are excruciating or unbearable,
that they compel you to use or act, that they will drive you crazy
if you do not use or act, and that they will not go away until you
use or act. Some individuals are confused enough about their own
thinking that they have a difficult time identifying distinct urges,
and simply think of themselves as behaving a certain way "because
I like to." In actuality, urges can be uncomfortable but they
are not unbearable unless you blow them out of proportion; they
do not force you to do anything (there have probably been many instances
where you had an urge but did not act), they have not driven you
crazy yet (and will not), each urge will go away if you simply wait
long enough, and there are periods between urges which become increasingly
longer if you stop. Although during the initial days or weeks of
abstinence or moderation, especially after a long period of daily
addictive behavior, you may experience many urges of strong and
even increasing intensity. Recovering addicts of all types report
that urges eventually peak in frequency, intensity, and duration,
and then gradually, with occasional flare-ups, fade away. How long
it will take for urges to peak, and how rapidly they will subside,
depends on many factors, including the specific addiction, the length
of the addiction, how successful the program of abstinence or moderation
has been, and the strength of the developing alternative lifestyle.
However, as a very broad guideline, within six months to one year
most addicts will report only feeble urges (for instance, one a
week, lasting a few minutes, a 1 or 2 on a 10 point scale).
It is also crucial not
to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only
your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges,
and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that
on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does
not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction
is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which
the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is
within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An
analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All
sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you
to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility,
but to what extent you choose to speak with them is.
Specific techniques for
coping with urges include the following. When an urge occurs, accept
it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing
thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other".
Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside
object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were
previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps
picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried
in your wallet or purse). Recall a "moment of clarity",
a moment when changing your addictive behavior seemed almost without
question the right course of action. Think your addictive behavior
through to the end: When an urge is present, you tend to think only
of the Benefits of the Addiction, but completing the image to include
the negative consequences that follow will give you a more accurate
view of the whole scenario. If the urge is very intense, engage
yourself in a distracting activity, one which you have enjoyed before
and which will take your mind off the urge, or use a specific distraction
technique, such as counting things (e.g., leaves on a plant, books
on a shelf), doing arithmetic (e.g., continually subtracting 7 from
1000, 993, 986, etc.), or focusing on alphabetical/verbal games
(e.g., saying the alphabet backwards, reading signs backwards, searching
book titles or license plates for the alphabet, etc.). Any simple
activity conducted at high speed can fill up your attention, thereby
allowing no attention for the urge. Any thought or activity on which
you completely focus your attention is all that is needed, because
if no attention is paid to the urge, then it will no longer exist.
Although another urge may come along at any point, that urge also
can be dealt with in a similar fashion. Over time the urges come
less frequently, as already stated.
To summarize these urge
coping techniques, all urges should be accepted. Low level urges
can be observed but kept at a distance. Attention can then be re-directed
to whatever one was paying attention to prior to the urge. More
intense urges can be "counterargued" by reviewing in some
fashion the benefits of not engaging in the addictive behavior,
and the facts about urges mentioned above (e.g., all urges go away
eventually; they are uncomfortable but not unbearable unless I blow
them out of proportion;). Very intense urges can be dealt with using
some form of distraction, repeated as necessary. All urges eventually
To help discover for
yourself some of the basic facts about your own urges, it is helpful
to keep an "urge log", a record of all of your urges.
Record the date and time, the peak intensity (on a 1-10 scale),
the duration, what seemed to give rise to the urge (e.g., feeling
down, fight with a co-worker, just came out of the blue, etc.),
and, if you engage in the addictive behavior, to what extent you
did so, and your reactions to this (e.g., I hated myself, I felt
good at first but bad later, I was confused, etc.). Reviewing this
log is often a significant part of early psychotherapy sessions.
The information on what gives rise to the urge can be used to identify
"high risk" situations (which are discussed more below).
To keep yourself in practice
for coping with urges, it is useful to "bring out urges"
deliberately, rather than waiting for them to occur. By remembering
past good times with your addictive behavior, or by being around
certain individuals, places, or things, you can probably bring out
an urge, and then practice coping with it. Because you will have
some control over how strong an urge you bring out, you can, for
instance, attempt to have a 5 (on a 10 point scale), which you are
confident of coping well with, as preparation for dealing with 8's,
9's, and 10's, which you may be less confident of coping well with.
If you bring out urges daily (even hourly) you may also tend to
weaken any particular urge, just as someone who is eating five or
six times per day has less opportunity to develop strong hunger
than someone who eats only once or twice. Ultimately you can gain
confidence that you can cope with any urge, but in the initial stages
of developing this confidence it is easier to cope with many smaller
urges you bring on yourself, rather than waiting for bigger urges
which arrive on their own.
Although it may be useful
to avoid certain places, persons, or situations at first, as you
are gaining confidence in your ability to cope well with urges,
ultimately avoidance is not a useful strategy. You can avoid everything
that you think is risky, but nevertheless still experience urges
which seem to come "from out of the blue". To avoid much
is also to restrict your life in ways which are probably not helpful
to your overall goals in life. Avoidance is at best a temporary
(though perhaps useful) crutch.
Similarly, some addicts
attempt some sort of substitution, such as eating celery (low calorie)
every time you get an urge to overeat (high calorie). Although the
substitute may seem like a safer addiction than the original one,
nevertheless you are still reinforcing the original urge, and essentially
living in fear of it. Typically the substitute breaks down eventually,
with no gains in urge coping skills having been made. If the substitute
addiction is maintained, it may present substantial costs itself
(smoking marijuana instead of smoking coke). If the substitute is
strong enough to satisfy the urge (as perhaps in the marijuana example),
then there may be no substantial improvement in your overall situation.
If the substitute is not strong enough (as perhaps in the celery
example), you will end up needing to cope with urges anyway.
3) Another key issue
for most recovering addicts is coping with problems previously coped
with by the addiction. These can include problems worthy of psychotherapy
in their own right. The list includes all the problems mentioned
or hinted at above (in the Benefits of Addiction list). Often the
majority of addiction treatment, once the cost/benefit analysis
is conducted and urge coping is taught, is focused on learning how
to cope with these problems. In many cases one or more problems
pre-exist the addiction, and are a predisposing factor for it. Thus
they may be "bigger" problems than the addiction itself.
On the other hand, having made a decision to stop, and gaining confidence
in coping with urges, often gives an addict such a boost in confidence
that other problems are attacked with new vigor and enthusiasm.
A useful way to identify
what these problems may be is to identify your high risk situations.
These are the situations, places, persons, moods, activities, or
conflicts that you suspect will give you difficulty in your plan
to abstain or cut back. Most addicts are very able to specify what
these are. Rather than using this information in a pessimistic fashion
("I know I won't be able to pass up a drink if I'm out with
Joe"), use this information as an opportunity to develop the
additional coping skills you need to get through the difficulty.
Other individuals you know are able to cope with these experiences,
and you can learn from their example, or with the coaching of your
psychotherapist. It is also important to remember as you work on
developing these coping skills that even though they are not yet
fully developed, you can use your urge coping techniques nevertheless.
For instance, suppose that arguments with your spouse are a high
risk situation for you, and the two of you are still working on
preventing and moderating them. Even though you have a terrible
fight, and are very upset about the fact that these fights are still
occurring, you can nevertheless cope effectively with the urge that
the fight gives rise to.
4) For many individuals,
getting the benefits of an addiction even though stopping it, is
synonymous with learning the coping skills described in #3 above.
However, there may be benefits of the addiction that are not based
on its ability to help you cope. These benefits might include enjoying
certain rituals surrounding the behavior, companionship with other
addicts, the "high", or the sense of power or self-confidence,
if these benefits are enjoyed for their own sake, and not as a direct
means to cope with some problem.
Experience has shown
that cognitive distortions may be a significant factor in these
perceived benefits of addiction, which, once no longer experienced,
are often perceived to have had only the appearance of what was
desired, without much of the actuality. For instance, the companionship
of other users at a crack house is often considered highly valuable
to the crack user, but rarely to the recovered crack user, who recognizes
in retrospect that he or she had confused others' interest in getting
high with an interest in him or her. The recovered user also recognizes
what the addict may not, that rituals, companionship, a rush of
good feeling, selfconfidence, and other addiction benefits that
are enjoyed for their own sake can also be experienced from a number
of other sources and activities. Even if the intensity of these
benefits is at first less than what was experienced with the help
of the addiction, with practice these benefits exceed the intensity
of the addiction benefit, because they are the "real thing",
not a deceptive substitute with major side effects.
5) Interrupting unconscious
habit patterns is typically not difficult, and can usually be accomplished
by putting a barrier between oneself and whatever one uses for the
addiction (food, credit cards, gaming devices, etc). In the process
of overcoming a big enough barrier, there is enough time to experience
an urge, which can then be coped with using one of the methods already
6) The problems that
have arisen from the addiction may not go away just because the
addiction is stopped or under control. These problems are also a
legitimate focus of attention in psychotherapy.
7) Ultimately, the development
of a lifestyle filled with positive addictions is the best safeguard
against a return to strong negative addictions. The Benefits of
Stopping/Cutting Back list can provide initial guidance for which
positive addictions to work on. For instance, if one of your Benefits
is "physical health", you could now consider other habits
which could contribute to obtaining this goal. You may wish to exercise
more, sleep more, or eat better. As new health habits become more
deeply woven into your life, you may also find yourself getting
from them the benefits you previously sought from your addiction
(e.g., feeling good about myself; having more energy).
In addition to helping
yourself get the Benefits of Stopping/Cutting Back by developing
new habits, this is also a time to consider what is most important
for you to experience in the finite but uncertain period that is
your lifetime. There is no better time than now to begin moving
toward what is most important. As you take small steps toward your
ultimate goals--and there is rarely any other way than by small
steps--you will also be building positive addictions, and safeguarding
against the return of negative addictions. How could a negative
addiction again take hold if I am actually pursuing what is most
important to me?
Just in case this last
question confuses you, consider the difference between means and
ends. If someone states that "what is most important to me
is using heroin", follow-up questions will reveal that using
heroin is actually a means to an end, such as "feeling calm
and at peace". It is the feeling calm and at peace that is
most important, not the heroin use, and the heroin user can discover
ways to accomplish that end by other less costly means. It is not
the end that is the problem, but the means. In fact, all of us (including
every addict) should give himself or herself credit for pursuing
noble ends, and get to work on finding better means.
Thus, this question could
be rephrased, how could it happen that a more costly way of getting
what I truly want could actually replace a less costly way? Perhaps
the only way this could occur is if you believed that your addiction
were the only way, or the fastest way, or the only way for you to
achieve your goal. With luck you are recognizing that such a belief
is highly questionable.
Do I Need To Stop Completely,
Or Could I Just Cut Back?
Just as only you can
decide whether one of your addictions is positive or negative, and
how much so, only you can decide whether the best way to cope with
the problems of a negative addiction is abstinence or moderation.
Because the methods of accomplishing either goal are similar, they
have not been differentiated thus far in this article, but you may
have had the question much on your mind as you were reading.
A common sense approach
to the problem of "overdoing it" would be simply to moderate
the behavior and cope with the negative consequences (if eating
dessert every night makes me fat, I'll only eat it on the weekends,
and I'll exercise more). The rationale would be that, in this manner,
you could still enjoy the behavior, without suffering the more serious
negative consequences. Although, for many years, many have suggested
that moderation is not an appropriate goal for someone who is "addicted",
there are not widely accepted guidelines for how bad a problem must
be for it to be called an addiction. Furthermore, some individuals
who by some definitions are considered addicted are nevertheless
able to moderate their behavior, and some addictions are of necessity
approachable only with a moderation approach (e.g., eating, spending).
Consequently, common sense, experience, and necessity (a compelling
combination) suggest that moderation be considered.
The following guidelines
may help you in your decision. The most crucial factor in adopting
moderation as a goal is whether you can actually do it. Relabeling
your out of control behavior as "moderation", but not
changing it, does not improve your life. Cutting back for a period
of time, but gradually resuming former patterns, is only momentary
improvement. Are you moderating most of the time, but still having
binges which are very costly, but easy to ignore and rationalize
because they are not in a fixed pattern? Any attempt at moderation
remains an experiment for as long a period of time as is needed
to conclude that danger is past. Because you could never conclude
this with certainty (although if it is working, you would have increasingly
higher levels of confidence), moderation should always be open to
review. No matter how successful you were, there would always be
some risk that you would engage in some degree of denial, and slip
back to non-moderate behavior. Because such non-moderate behavior
could lead to death or ruin, such a risk should not be taken lightly.
If you seem to be having
success with moderation, at what price is it? Are you frequently
needing to cope with strong urges, such that you are wasting significant
time and energy on them? Is your substance or activity preoccupying
you, in ways other than urges, nevertheless? Are you still experiencing
substantial negative consequences, just at a slower rate (e.g.,
the drinker who is killing off his liver at the rate of 3% a year
instead of 5%)?
Because there is no benefit
of a negative addiction that cannot be obtained or approximated
by another method (which, with proper practice and coaching you
could learn), the safest decision remains abstinence, because over
the long run you would lose nothing or little by it, whereas with
moderation there remains the danger of runaway addictive behavior.
However, abstinence can require a greater expense of time and effort
up front, if many new skills need to be learned. This expense understandably
deters many individuals. However, over the long run abstinence may
be "cheaper", because the cost is at the beginning, and
the maintenance expense and risk are low thereafter.
If moderation is your
goal (actually a sub-goal or means to the larger goal of getting
the Benefits of Stopping/Cutting Back), then you may need specific
guidance on what moderation for your addiction would be. For instance,
up to one drink an hour, up to three drinks a day, up to four days
per week, is one definition of moderate drinking. Beyond this amount
you would to some extent be losing the Benefits you desire.
Am I Someone Who Has
Do I Have To Quit?
There is no one who has
to quit an addictive behavior. There may be many benefits to your
quitting, it may be quite unintelligent of you not to quit, and
your behavior may kill you or ruin you or lead to your imprisonment
if you do not, but it remains quite possible for you to continue
on (just as many before you have done--even in prison!). Only you
can make this decision, and presumably you will do so by examining
the benefits of the addictive behavior and the benefits of stopping
or cutting back.
If you accept the notion
that you are someone who cannot do this, who has to stop, you are
very likely setting yourself up to feel angry, resentful, left out,
frustrated, like you are missing out, depressed, irritated, bored,
and so forth. If you are already using your addictive behavior to
cope with various negative feelings, you may use it to cope with
these also. To prevent these feelings, it is better to tell yourself
what is really true, that you can do this activity or use this substance.
The crucial question is whether you truly want to.
Others may tell you that
you have to stop, or that you are the kind of person who has to
stop. Despite a poor choice of words, they are actually attempting
to express their concern for you, and their fear that you are denying
the extent of your problems. Unwittingly, they may be creating more
problems for you, because most of us react to being forced (boxed
in, railroaded, not given a choice) by attempting to prove that
we do have a choice. Unfortunately, this reaction leads back to
more addictive behavior, which may not be what you truly want. One
expression for this kind of behavior is "cutting off your nose
to spite your face".
If someone insists that
you have to stop, ask for the observations on which this conclusion
is based. You can disagree with the conclusion but still learn a
great deal from the observations.
You do not need to accept
any label that anyone, including this author, suggests to you. If
someone asks if you are an addict (or some other term), you can
simply say "No, I just thought y life would be better if I
stopped (cut back), so I did". If offered your substance or
activity by someone, you might in all sincerity reply: "No
thanks, I enjoy it too much!"
Do I Need To Attend Group
(AA) was founded over 50 years ago as a fellowship of individuals
with alcohol problems. Through fellowship with one another, and
spiritual re-awakening, abstinence was believed to be possible.
The AA approach has been beneficial, in one way or another, to millions
of individuals. The Twelve Steps (or principles) of AA have been
adapted to groups serving most of the major addictions (Cocaine
Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous,
etc.). All groups are free of charge, and most are widely available.
Twelve Step groups for
substance addictions encourage abstinence from all mood altering
chemicals except caffeine and nicotine. Twelve Step groups for activity
addictions encourage abstinence from the activity. Overeaters Anonymous
differentiates normal eating from overeating, and encourages abstinence
from overeating. Twelve Step groups view addictions as diseases.
The central premise of the disease concept (or disease model) of
addiction is a paradox: the addict has no control over the addiction,
except through complete control by abstinence. From the disease
model point of view, moderation of addictive behavior is an unrealistic
goal for a true addict.
The available scientific
evidence on the question of "loss of control" provides
very little support for the disease model. There are many anecdotes
that appear to support the disease model, but anecdotes represent
a very low level of scientific evidence, and appearances are not
always realities. An excellent review of this question (for alcohol)
is provided in Heavy drinking: The myth of alcoholism as a disease,
by Herbert Fingarette, published in 1988 by the University of California
Press. This short but well referenced volume is intended for the
An alternative approach
to addiction is outlined in this article. This alternative model
does not yet have a widely accepted name (cognitive model, social
learning model, relapse prevention model), but there is already
a significant body of research supporting its premises and effectiveness.
In this alternative model addiction is considered a bad habit, not
a disease. Moderation can be an acceptable goal.
Belief in a "higher
power" (another central concept of Twelve Step groups) is neither
encouraged nor discouraged: You don't need to go that high to solve
the problem! Self-reliance, not reliance on a higher power, is emphasized.
The concepts and techniques outlined above can help you build upon
the good habits you already have, until the negative consequences
of the addiction are resolved.
Perhaps most importantly,
an all-or-none approach is not employed in this alternative model.
If there are slips along the way, it does not mean that you have
lost everything and must start again at the beginning. The slip
that has occurred may only be a sign that you have pushed yourself
to face a new level of challenge, and somewhat misjudged the challenge
or your skill level. This is not written to encourage slips, but
to help you recognize that they can be a part of learning. If a
slip seems to indicate that your approach is not working, this too
is learning, and suggests finding a new approach, or getting more
coaching. Over the long term, success is obtained if you prevent
slips from becoming total relapse. If a relapse does occur, re-commit
yourself to your goal.
Some individuals will
not attend Twelve Step meetings because of fears regarding confidentiality,
dislike of groups, disagreement with the disease model, lack of
belief in a higher power, or other reasons. Nevertheless, these
groups may represent an important resource for you. One can accept
the social support without necessarily agreeing with all of the
concepts presented. It can also be very encouraging to observe others
who have coped successfully with a problem you may still be struggling
What If I Don't Have
There are two main components
to accomplishing any task: knowing what to do, and being motivated
to do it. Reviewing the Benefits of Stopping/Cutting Back will remind
you of your motivation.
However, being motivated
is not enough. No matter how motivated you are, you cannot perform
a skill you have not learned. Practicing the techniques suggested
here, and getting the coaching you need, will eventually get you
skilled enough to be able to cope with urges and with any other
problems relevant to your addiction. Although there may be slips
along the way, each slip is an opportunity to identify and learn
better coping skills.
You probably know someone
who wants to have a skill you already have, but who does not practice
it sufficiently, or who stubbornly refuses to take guidance from
those who know more.
You may observe this
behavior and think: If he (she) would just work at it harder, or
be more open to suggestion, eventually success would occur; not
to do so is self-defeating. Are you any different?
What Key Ideas Do I Need
If, after careful consideration,
you have decided that the benefits of stopping or cutting back on
a substance or activity outweigh the benefits of engaging in that
behavior, then you may have one or more problems to solve, such
as maintaining motivation, coping with urges, coping with underlying
and predisposing problems, replacing the pleasure of the former
behavior, changing unconscious habit patterns, coping with problems
left over from previous behavior, and developing a lifestyle of
positive addiction. With practice and good coaching, and a continued
focus on the benefits, you will obtain by changing your behavior,
you can learn the skills necessary to solve these problems, even
if at times your progress is not smooth or continuous. In this way,
you can move forward to new and greater pleasures and benefits in
life, rather than being stuck in repetitive and harmful behavior